hare today goon tomorrow! ouch!

So i keep thinking, ‘ah man, my face hurts!’  and i can hear my brother say, ‘yeah, well it hurts me too!’  which makes me smile, which leads to me thinking ‘oh my face hurts’ and then i can hear my brother say ‘yeah, well it hurts me too!’ which makes me smile  …  you can see where this is going! ouch!

view from the platform in september

Last saturday i woke up and things weren’t quite right in my world.  It wasn’t that time of the month, nothing tragic happened with anybody close to me this week and in general things are pretty good, maybe it was the deafening silence of an email still unanswered or the amount of things i still want to finish/do before christmas, or the continued frustration of not being able to support my family better, but somehow i woke up wrong.  So i turned to my trusted therapist, the woods.  These past few months i have spent quite some time walking around and sitting in the woods.  Something always seems to heal, lift and/or get better there, and i return to the world of people and things refreshed and improved.  Nature is our oldest and wisest teacher, we just have to remember to listen.  Well, the wind was cold and biting but the thin layer of snow made everything sparkle and glitter.  Yet even in the sparkle and beauty my heart was heavy, dropping low and pulling the tears down my face as  i walked up the road with the wind against my back, up and into the forest.  I ran up the first wooded hill and then wound my way along the ridge.  The snow dampened the usual sounds and the trees seemed dressed up in thin layers of white.  Even though it wasn’t my usual route it delivered me to my usual place, the sanctuary of the platform.  Despite my reverence and holy feelings for the place, that sentiment, is shared by many, but not by all.  Or at least i can say that not all demonstrate their love the same way i do, and the planks that are up there as low benches often get thrown off the side.  Feeling like i wanted to do to make a difference and have something to sit on i decided to carry one back up.  i lift it, and its quite heavy ( it’s not really a plank, more like a really thick piece of tree) and i am feeling strong and proud.  as i am half way up with this lumber on my shoulder it falls from resting on my arm to smacking me upside against the head! ouch! i don’t fall (which was awesome) and i don’t even drop the board or stumble, but simple keep on going a couple more rungs, drop it down and rub my head thinking, well shit maybe  that is what i need to get me out of this rut!  well it turns out that that wasn’t enough.
oddly enough, though that trip into the wood helped, it didn’t do its usual tricks.. so it continued to be a weird saturday.

ceiling in berlin, but feels like the dream.. not sure what is what
After trying to make right all day long i give up and give in and go to a party.  Now mind you i am living outside of a little village in sweden, so when there is a party that is put on with flyers and, well, nearly all my friends attending it’s a pretty sweet thang.  It was beautifully set up, not at all what i expected upon hearing it was in a factory (albeit for choroi flutes, the wooden pentatonic flutes that litter the waldorf school’s third grades around the world)!  So yeah, sweet lighting and the music got better and better and i danced and danced and things seemed to be just right.  But not right enough.  i had probably about two drinks and was feeling pleasantly warm, but not drunk and felt like it was time for a smoke, so i sat down next to my friend to roll (because it was snowy and cold outside) and the next thing i remember is two of my friend helping me up off the cold hard ground asking me if i was ok.  i felt like i had slipped into a dream, and was falling back and forth between it and the party.  Apparently i slipped on the icy ramp and hit the same bruised side of my head, but this time more my face really.  Here it is two days later and my whole head still aches, it hurts when i smile or chew or heaven forbid, laugh and all i can think is what am i supposed to wake up to?  what am i needing to shift?  what can  i do different? well, i need to sleep more, maybe i will find that dream that i kept slipping back to and maybe i will find the question that i am answering by hitting my head, bruising my skull and generally aching for.

And here’s a little freaky kids song (not really for kids) to keep everything in perspective.
lots of love to you wherever you are.
good night!



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